College Football Seasion is Around the Corner

ILLINOIS: Greece
Once a powerhouse, now little more than an
insignificant clan of people
who talk funny and complain a lot.

INDIANA: Ireland
A very proud people who tend to overlook certain
types of bad behavior.
Using the f-word repeatedly is acceptable.
IOWA: Ukraine
Detached from the rest of Europe and really should
be part of Asia .
Covered with corn fields. Appeared to be emerging
as a regional power,
but returned to mediocrity very quickly.

MICHIGAN: Germany
A rich history, tons of talent, but a tendency to
employ leaders who are
power-crazed, loud-mouthed lunatics who always seem
to louse things up.
Germany's citizens are always ready to tell you
they're superior.
When asked about recent history, they tend to get
quiet quickly.

MICHIGAN STATE: Austria
Germany's slow, loud, self-conscious and far
less accomplished neighbor.

MINNESOTA: Sweden
Liberal whack jobs covered in snow.

NORTHWESTERN: Netherlands
Citizens of other European countries (and the
world) come here to get
stoned and drunk, ravage the natives, then leave.

OHIO STATE: France
Pound for pound the most insufferable, arrogant
pricks on the planet.
Weak leaders who appear to be accomplices in their
humiliating defeats.
Holding their own against Germany at the moment,
but everyone knows it's
only a matter of time before the tanks are rolling
again.

PENN STATE: United Kingdom
Used to run the world. Run by a beloved, geriatric
figurehead who simply
refuses to retire.

PURDUE: Norway
The secret to Norway 's marginal success is
that it's so boring, no one
pays it any attention.

WISCONSIN: Poland
Filled with hulking pasty-white drunks with
'ski' at the end of their
last name. Looks tough, but easily rolled. Lots of
jokes are made at
their expense.